Fat Ballerinas

i have never considered myself a scholar of politics or even much cared about the nuances of government outside of what i learned in my civics class in high school. i was aware of the slow march toward idiocracy in the US but it took moving to another country to view as an outsider for me to take any interest in it. my curiosity caused me to pick up a book…

…with many questions.

how did we get here?

has the government broken its civil contract with the populace to remain civilized?

have we become a nation of “for the people or by the people”?

is the system broken or will it self-correct?

has reason been replaced with fear, secrecy, and blind faith?

my intention is not to become preachy and insist that this book has all the answers. but i have come away with one solid resolution. that we must decide for ourselves through research and reasoning what is the best course for the future. to not rely upon solely what we are told.

i am writing this in somewhat of a jet lagged haze so please excuse my wanderings. you see on monday morning we arrived back to barcelona from a two week trip to the states. a crazy brief encounter with san francisco, phoenix and new york. after spending 7 hours on a flight from new york to bcn, we dragged ourselves home at 7:30am for a brief nap. a nap, because sleep would not be possible for we had landed on the eve of sant joan. also known as “midsummers eve”. in Spain, the celebration’s main sight are the bonfires and fireworks. the entire city was engulfed in the pops, bangs and booms. i have never been in the middle of a battle, but i imagine it sounds a lot like. our bodies still on a “new york” time (6 hours behind GMT+1), we bravely ventured out to join in the festivities.

the best place to be during sant joan in barcelona is the beach, so we planned to meet with some friends and set our place among the rest of the city residents along the shore. then we dug our heals into the sand for partying till sunrise. i didn’t manage to get any photos of the fireworks, but i did get this one of Mar Bella beach. yes, that is a sea of people right up to the edge of the sea.

so i wrote this on wednesday (june 25th) and was so jet lagged i forgot to publish it, woops…

dear friends,
some shmuck decided to hack his way on to my weblog and put a bunch of hidden links in my postings. it really !@#$%^ me off. hopefully none of you had to witness it.

thankfully all is fixed. never underestimate the power of a pissed off woman (and of course her close connections to computer geekery, aka husband)

sincerely,
fatballerinas

where have all the gentlemen gone? i was reminded of this last week during one of the more romantic days in Catalunya. last wednesday was Sant Jordi (Saint George’s Day for us anglo saxons) and it is at a glance a very sweet romantic day. women are given red roses, men are given books. it is a less commercialized sibling of Valentine’s Day. but you would not have known such a gallant day was upon us as i walked through the metro, heavy laden with items for my new apartment. not many metros in Barcelona are fully equipped with escalators and elevators and as luck would have it i was traveling through one of them. a maze of stairs one flight up only to be followed by one flight back down through the underground labyrinth. as i struggled, people hurried on their ways. in Spain, land of the machismo…i guess i expected more of my fellow travelers. these were the same people who stood close enough to me to know what kind of shampoo I used, and inspected my bags and me with a curious eye. this is a contradiction that happens regularly in Barcelona, people stare but don’t want you to look back. it is “big” city mentality, ok… but what about the meaning behind this holiday? many people here can tell you why Sant Jordi is celebrated, the legend of George and the Dragon. in fact many holidays still contain the meanings behind which they are celebrated. it is one of the reasons i live here. all is not superficial. but alas no knight was coming to my rescue as i struggled with my “dragon”. i had to laugh, and in fact i did, which probably made me look a little crazy as i walked the tiny halls in the station. now many would accuse me of setting women’s lib back for stating such a cliched statement, but really i am not picky about the gender of my knight. it could have been a woman. i figured the amorousness of the day would lighten the load. but maybe i got the meaning wrong. the day is also the anniversary of the death of both Cervantes and Shakespeare, and such, is designated “World Book” day. maybe my fellow metro riders were doing just that, reading me. witnessing the story of my struggle as observers?

love and chivalry may be best left with dead poets, to read and enjoy but not to imitate. it is too hard in such an impersonal world. nah…i am too much of a romantic to believe that.

i have just witnessed the grossest, scariest, most appalling thing ever…i am not exaggerating. i rate this more gruesome than a horror film. i tried to wash the grease trap from the kitchen of our rented apartment. -shudder-

i should explain that in Spain the most common ingredient in cooking is olive oil, fry with it, grill with it, marinade with it. so it gets on everything in the kitchen. i think that the filter over the stove had gone untouched since the day it was installed. when i removed the hood and the single screw that held it in place, oil started dripping from everywhere. it oozed from the hole where the screw had been, trickled from the fan, and moved over the filter as if it was alive. i was having flash backs to the elevator scene in “Shining”. the oil was slowly making its way across all the surfaces of the kitchen. once out, what the hell do i do with it? anyone got any industrial degreasers on hand? a very deep grave to bury it? maybe some full arm length rubber gloves and a pair of goggles? what the hell did i think i was going to do? the voice in the back of my brain screamed it isn’t your apartment, it isn’t your problem just put it back and walk away…ahhhhhh. but i went looking where i shouldn’t have and now i was stuck. i had to try to clean it.

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from the blogger who brought you the fives stages of grief moving, now the untold story of one woman’s fight with the “subjunctives” and “pluperfect”. in a land of unintelligible signs, her love for a faithful dictionary and a quixotic verb table form a bond that may have to be surgically severed. she finds that “lost in translation” is a way of life in the five stages of bilingualdom.

school is for the young, especially when it comes to learning languages. i have for the past 6 months - lost my ability to speak my native tongue properly, smelt smoke coming out my ears from brain overload, and had to institute a personal napping policy for my well being. the following are my five stages…

• Stage I: The Silent/Receptive or Pre-emergent Stage. This stage can last from 10 hours to six months. Students often have up to 500 “receptive” words (words they can understand, but may not be comfortable using) and can understand new words that are made comprehensible to them. This stage often involves a “silent period” during which students may not speak, but can respond using a variety of strategies including pointing to an object, picture, or person; performing an act, such as standing up or closing a door; gesturing or nodding; or responding with a simple “yes” or “no.”

  ah yes the pantomime stage, i did very well in this stage. arms flailing about, it was funny.



• Stage II: The Early Production or Emergent Stage. The early production stage can last an additional six months after the initial stage. Students have usually developed close to 1,000 receptive/active words (that is, words they are able to understand and use). During this stage, students can usually speak in one- or two-word phrases and can demonstrate comprehension of new material by giving short answers to simple yes/no, either/or, or who/what/where questions. They can reproduce what they hear and recognize words in isolation.

  speaking like a 3 year old at 34 is a bit hard on the psyche.
  me want go now.



• Stage III: The Speech Emergence or Basic Stage. This stage can last up to another year. Students usually have developed approximately 3,000 words and can use short phrases and simple sentences to communicate. Students begin to use dialogue, can ask simple questions such as “Can I go to the restroom?” and are also able to answer simple questions. Students may produce longer sentences, but often with grammatical errors that can interfere with their communication.

  oh many a gaff has been laid during this stage. the most common expression is the “huh?” from friends and strangers. unfortunately here is were i reside for now.

• Stage IV: The Intermediate Language Proficiency Stage. Intermediate proficiency may take up to another year after speech emergence. Students have typically developed close to 6,000 words and are beginning to make complex statements, state opinions, ask for clarification, share their thoughts, and speak at greater length. They may be able to engage in conversation and produce sequential narrative.

  can’t wait to actually get my point across!

• Stage V: The Advanced Language Proficiency Stage. Gaining advanced proficiency in a second language can typically take from five to seven years.

  uh what! i haven’t got seven years….

“let this coming year be better than all the others. vow to do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t find the time. call up a forgotten friend. drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories. vow not to make a promise you don’t think you can keep. walk tall, and smile more. don’t be afraid to say, ‘I love you’. say it again.”

my new year’s resolution, giving…

what if people could connect directly with public schools and teachers, learn about specific classroom needs, and choose how to help?

DonorsChoose.org is dedicated to addressing the scarcity and inequitable distribution of learning materials and experiences in our public schools. DonorsChoose.org will improve public education by engaging citizens in an online marketplace where teachers describe and individuals can fund specific student projects. we envision a nation where students in every community have the resources they need to learn.

Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school - Albert Einstein

i am dreaming of a white christmas.
i have the snow outside, the trees glistening,
and now all i need is the movie to make it complete.
that and maybe a cup of hot coco.

you may be wondering, snow in barcelona?
not exactly. we are nestled in minneapolis for 10 days. brrrr. my brother, his wife and son arrived from ecuador, jason and i came in from spain. all we need is the 3 wise men from the orient and we have most of the continents covered.

(more…)

at some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. the grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind. the death of a loved one, loss of a limb, even intense disappointment can cause grief.

my five stages

1. denial

there is nothing wrong with a healthy helping of denial when you are moving half way around the world and landing smack dab in the middle of a culture you are not used to. hey its fun, exciting, an extended vacation. it is not that different. they eat, sleep and poop just like me. oh but how subtle mole hills in one’s routine become, in perception, the Alps. the small differences have added up to a very large haystack on this camel’s back. the sweet haze of denial has been broken…



2. anger?
3. depression?

one wouldn’t think that moving could cause such a reaction…or could you? over the last month, some of you may have noticed that the pages of fatballerinas have been devoid of any new ramblings. unfortunately, i got out of the denial stage and went foot first into the steaming pile of depression or anger (or both). oh and the smell! knowing that you are not the sweetest smelling person to be around can be hard. so what now….

maybe…

4. bargaining

i wonder what strange bargains i will try to make with the devil or god. not sure how excited i am to jump out of the pot of depression into the frying pan.

or perhaps…

5. acceptance

whatever the case, i hope that you will not mind reading about it over the next few months. i know i will have a good laugh at my own expense one day. it doesn’t feel very silly now, but i can’t wait until it is.

say that five times fast……you will sound like a fan fare of trumpets for the expected queen. cool trick, but on the streets on barcelona it will only get you odd looks. alas, it is only the name of a theater. but a pretty cool one that is currently presenting a circuit of alternative theater pieces.

last night i went and saw Compañía Pisando Ovos perform N8 OHX. don’t ask me what the title means, but i know the name of the group means literally “stepping on eggs” but the equivalent english idiom is “walking on egg shells”. i, myself, have been doing a lot of that lately. so how appropriate that we should meet. the show was amazing. two dancers and a mute discussion about the interactions between being human and conditioned responses. in a nut shell, how we act because of society and how we act out of self preservation. i am actually quite proud of myself for understanding the synopsis.

anyways, it was the perfect kick in the backside. i need to get out there and dance again, four months is too long.