Fat Ballerinas

well wouldn’t you know it, the nasty flu bug takes its grip on barcelona and i get to be one of the chosen. school started back up two weeks ago so it isn’t too hard to guess where i picked it up. and no, there is no relief in telling me the first year of working with children can be full of “little” illnesses. because right now i have been holed up in bed for two days unable to do anything. (i will warn you now that the following writing may be a bit unsettling and i will not hold it against you if you stop reading right now. no seriously.) you may think this blog entry is a bit whiny and self indulgent, but believe me, i would much rather be writing anything else for my blog. i just needed to get this and the nasty phlegm off my chest.

ok i will get right to it…i hate being sick. yes, i know most people don’t enjoy being sick, but i like to think mine goes a bit deeper. besides the feelings of complete helplessness and complete lack of bodily function, my hatred stems from my mother. (i warned you not to keep reading.) not exactly my mother but what she went through before she died. my mother died of breast cancer that spread to her lungs and mastisized. her last couple months were agonizing as her lungs failed and filled up with fluid. she began to cough and wheeze. i will spare you all the details, but when i find myself sitting in bed unable to walk to the bathroom because of my fever and muscle aches or that every time i hear myself cough i get flashbacks. i get frightful twice, once for the scary aspect of any dangerous virus, and twice because i hear my cough like an echo of the past.

i want to know when will it stop haunting me? my solution of never being sick didn’t pan out too well…i live in a new city and work with four year olds, who am i kidding.